we have officially lost it.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
