ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
