Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
