I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The struggles of a small town man whore
So vagazzling was a success
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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