we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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