The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
