Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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