You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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