At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
