Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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