Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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