I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
