its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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