Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
