dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If that was your dad, he is hot
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
