nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
4 words: hood of his car
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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