Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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