6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you win again, gameday.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
