we have officially lost it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
