"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
