Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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