she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
