it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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