yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
