so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
