Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
