She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
