she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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