I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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