How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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