hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
