I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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