worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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