My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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