So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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