Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
