The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
