why didn't you poke me back
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
