That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
