He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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