im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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