god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
