Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
