You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
