chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
