Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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