theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
