Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
