But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
