I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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