Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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