Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
